As a lay in bed this early morning, in that half-awake time, I had a feeling not unlike that of being in the Matrix. Many times during my life I have, in waking early, been made aware of a dream program running in the background of my consciousness. Nothing specific like a movie in which I am a character or a set of dream images in which something is visually being worked out but a very real sense of some sort of mathematical process taking place. When I am still waking, this process is many times troubling in the sense I get of not being able to work the problem out—like never being able to fill the many containers that seem to surround me.
But when I become more fully aware of the dream and being awake, I am often amused at the fact that whatever was running in the background (like the Matrix image) would never be able to be worked out or understood enough to be put in a box and displayed so that it could be looked at clearly from all sides. Like something in a museum—locked in time for all to see.
Last night I went to sleep thinking about the process of life. And in pondering process this morning I am reminded of people who I have known who never seemed to be able to get out of a rut that was always lurking in the shadows of their lifes’ experience. It’s like when I became a Christian, a door of grace was open and I walked through it—I had no idea what I was doing at the time—only that it felt like the right thing to do. My life has been the better for it or so I fully believe even in light of all the many problems that face us world-wide as a human race.
I have often wondered if that same door was open for those people that seemed have all the problems and if so what was the deal—were they not able to see it or was my door only a window for them that was half open and six feet off the ground. I have come to the conclusion that it is one of the many questions that have no easy answers and I have more or less put that one on “the shelf”.
But what about “process”?
And how many different ways can we break down the concept of “being in process”?
Process can be understood as a series of actions, changes, or functions bringing about a result.
Still being in process means on one level that I haven’t arrived at my final destinaton—although while in process many of the seemingly smaller goals have been met or arrived at.
On one level I am glad to know all this and on another am aware that I don’t have enough life left to fully understand half of what I am attempting to grasp. There have always been questions as far back as I can remember. Sometimes it is enough just to be aware of them and continue the ride—other times it seems imperative that I understand them and live them out fully.
Like the process of removing the obstacles in our lives that keep us from fully connecting with one another—that keep us from life itself and the pursuit of all that is ours to become.
Am I being reckless in posting my thoughts before I have arrived at a place of fully comprehending them? A look at my last post is almost a little scary in the sense of being vulnerable and somewhat naive at the same time. The more we say the easier it is to be mis-understood and I realize that I am into some stuff that is a lot deeper than I thought it was at first.
True north exists and I am still figuring out how to use the compass I was given many years ago. I may still bump into a few trees in the forest as I move forward, but I am determined to keep walking until daylight breaks forth and I not only see the forest, but the trees as well.
Looking For The Long Ride 
This open to the world experience of posting thoughts/dialogue is an interesting twist to life…another blogger wrote he is glad everyday Christians have access to one another through this technology. Good? Bad? Does it matter? Last night my best friend (my wife) and I talked for a while about the “search”versus what we have. We came to the conclusion that for whatever it is we feel like we are missing, we have more than we realize.I dreamed last night that I had a series of tests to take and one section of the test was in Spanish to test my Spanish. Someone asked me if I spoke Spanish and I replied no, and that had me a little worried. Sometimes the morning feels like the test is about to begin and I haven’t even learned the language yet.Practically the dream gave me a new appreciation for what Hispanic kids must experience in school here in the US. Mom or dad or both have brought them here. It is not their choice to being tested in another language on a daily basis.It is my choice to seek out the spiritual life. I have decided this morning the search is not for something specifically different than what I already know…it is to find a place of feeling authentic in what I do know. Having friends like you who question, and push at meanings, and hold forth hope in the process are a blessing.
Yes and amen to that. Dictionary dot com lists this definition for authentic:not false or copied; genuine; realAnd at this point, I really can’t see a better goal for all of us.Thanks……
Thank you for being a Joshua/Caleb in the wilderness of contemporary life where we Christians are seeking the promised land. Your ramblings inspire me, and commendably always seem to end with a positive contribution to my own quest to keep both the forest and the trees in my sights. Keep up the good work of exploring that uncharted territory.
I’ve often related the spiritual life as a road trip. We want to know the final destination – the big goals in life. We want to hear “the plans I have for you, says the Lord”, but somehow we think that the small stuff doesn’t always qualify. If I took off from Sarasota for Flagstaff, AR I would need to know more than just the final destination. I need to know that when I get to the end of the street, to turn left. And when I get to the third stoplight, turn right and so on and so forth. I don’t want to know all the directions at one time, I’ll just get confused. What I want is somebody to tell me my very next move or turn. We all desire our final destination with God and though we know where we are ending up eventually, we still need the moment by moment course directions in our life. Just because I haven’t arrived doesn’t mean I’m not a on the journey. In fact, it’s the small directions that prove I’m on the road. So, being in process isn’t necessarily looking for the final goal or destination, but rather the next stop or turn along the route. It’s OK if I don’t know where God wants me 20 years from now, but I sure do want to know where God wants me today. After re-reading my thoughts, they seem just vague to either make sense or make me sound like an idiot. You decide. I miss all you guys.
Life is more of the line upon line variety than it is of the four walls kind—your perspective has made me feel a little better about my trip as well. You are missed also.
It seems to me that the thing to remember is that we won’t reach our final destination until we meet Jesus. If we ever feel like we have arrived we are sadly mistaken. I have often times said in life that I wish I had a book of my life so I could flip to the back and see how everything turns out. The thing is that would really take the adventure out of the ride..It is an amazing and scary thing to go around a curve and not know what you are going to see. If we continue to follow God’s path, then the things we can discover will be breathtaking and life giving. Thanks for the perspective Terry. It is good to remember that we are all on the same journey even if we are in different stages of it!
As I was sitting outside today and relaxing from work as well as play, I had the thought that there is really more to this life than what I am seeing—feeling—experiencing. I am only walking in my boots and can’t see from anyone elses vantage point. Tuesday morning, unable to sleep through the night, I got up earlier than usual and read some poetry and the book of Ruth, one of my favorite stories in the bible. Ruth told Naomi that she would go with her and serve her God and live with her people. While gleaning she caught Boaz’s eye and in short order became his wife and the mother of Obed who was King David’s grandfather. From losing a husband in one chapter to entering the linage of Jesus in the end—that’s quite a trip. Hopefully this speaks volumes about the rest of ours as well.Thanks for the encouragement.