I don’t know about you, but I have to admit—post mid-life—that I still
enter each day thinking that this might be the one when I get “it” all
together. When all the pieces fit and life’s puzzle has been solved—at
least to my satisfaction. And truth be known, each day I feel that I
fall a little further behind in the very things it would take to
accomplish this gargantuan feat.
It is almost to
the point where I don’t even like to think about it anymore and
conversely it is what often gets me out of bed in the middle of the
night—this thought that I might have missed it or am not trying hard
enough to make it happen—this “figure-it-out-and-be-the-head-and-not-the-tail-thing.
“The LORD will make you the head and not the tail, and you only will be above, and you will not be underneath, if you listen to the commandments of the LORD your God, which I charge you today, to observe them carefully…”
In my last post I talked about creativity and the dry feeling that comes upon us when we don’t feel that particular spark of energy flowing through us.
Wikipedia tells me that creativity is:
Creativity (or “creativeness”) is a mental process involving the generation of new ideas or concepts, or new associations of the creative mind between existing ideas or concepts.
So, is there really much of a difference, from a physical time and space aspect, between yesterday and today—other than our perception of what is happening in our minds?
Today, I am fully convinced that there are many things that can play havoc with our creativity—the first of which is a mind full of stuff that hasn’t been properly filed away. Each degree of unsettledness produces an equal amount of mental detritus that will literally float around until we filter it off.
Based on an experience that I had the other day, I will also posit that we carry around a lot more extra, and therefore draining baggage, than we suspect.
I was reading a inspirational business book called “Don’t Let Others Rent Space In Your Head” when, as I reflected on a paragraph just processed, I became equally aware of the fact that I was also, simultaneously, thinking about something else entirely different from what I was reading. It was as if I became acutely aware of a movie playing in the background of my consciousness. I was in the movie, but it was portraying a much different “reality” than the one that I am currently living in and aware of. I then began to realize that I have been “servicing” these fracture realities for most of my life. Now I seem to understand why I like sitting around airports and in large public parks absorbed in “people watching”. I need cast members for all the movies I have running in my brain. The tall ones and the short ones and the various nationalities—they all have a place to fill.
You may think that I have gone off the deep end, but when I explained this to my church fellowship last Sunday, they all nodded their heads and seemed to understand what I was talking about—kind of like they had all experienced some of the same type of fractures in their lives as well.
Shortly after I became cognizant of my many realities and the energy they each took to sustain their separate story lines, I said a short prayer along with a verbal affirmation and asked that what was many would become just one. I want to be a whole person—not someone divided up into so many pieces—pieces that once may have helped me make it through a hard time or two but now only serve to keep me weighed down and worn out.
I can certainly imagine dealing with a Terry who is not a system of complex coping mechanisms each serving to keep me busy and feeling like I can make it through the day. Being deep is one thing—being broken up into many subterranean pieces another.
I am sure there is more to this story than what meets my eye at this point—however, it is getting late and there is more to think about and do before bedtime. Hope you have enjoyed the ride.