Way back in 2007 I posted an observation on what I had come to understand about reconciliation as it pertained to a church I had been a part of for nearly 20 years.
Sandi and I had left the church amid “leadership” disagreements and overall disatisfaction with the direction the church was heading. We had been hurt by “leadership” and in this had in turn wounded others. The church had a long history of leaving wounded soldiers by the wayside. Our attempts to change the way relationships were handled were not met with a lot of positive feedback which in turn led to us leaving as well.
Within this dynamic, some longstanding relationships were lost and some were in turn strengthened. There were attempts made on our part to restore some friendships that had been damaged as a result of various falling outs over the years we attended this fellowship.
This was pretty much the focus of that 2007 article which can be found at this link: Click here!
As I mentioned then, Reconcile is defined by the American Heritage Dictionary as:
1. To reestablish a close relationship between.
2. To settle or resolve.
I have recently had the idea of reconciliation come back to me in terms I think we can all relate to.
In talking with a friend the other day, I came to the realization that many of us may still be waiting for the “light” of “acknowledgement” to come on inside of those who have wounded us. We may still be waiting for that phone call or knock on the door which would lead to our “offender” apologizing to us for how they once treated us. After this, all would again be well with the world and the fracture in the force would be repaired. Just like in the movies where nothing is left hanging at the end of the 2 hour playing time.
Yet life is very much not like the movies or our favorite television shows. We continue to carry wounds way beyond what is really necessary and our thinking that these situations will be completely healed at some point is not based in much reality.
Another friend confided in me that every time he sees certain people from his church past, he gets all tense inside and feels really uncomfortable around them. This says to me that he has unresolved issues that may never be taken care of. Especially if we go on thinking that these “other” people are going to wake up one day and see the error of their ways and be completely repentant towards us.
I have come to the major conclusion that if these aforementioned people really thought that there was something wrong about their approach to life and relationships in general, they would not have treated us badly in the first place. Most of these people don’t seem to sit around wondering much about anything that might be askew with their personalities. Just like most bullies don’t realize they are in fact bullies. The fact that they push people around is just the way things are and not something to be concerned with—not a whole lot of self-analysis going on in other words.
I guess I have reached the point where I am tired of talking about or trying to figure out why these things happen and am ready for God to bind up my broken heart. (Isaiah 61:1)
Don’t get me wrong, I would still welcome that knock on the door or phone call. But realistically, that is out of my control and probably not going to happen. I hope to find it in myself to fully forgive and begin to live, not out of wounding or brokeness, but out of grace and abundance.
And that’s my ride for today.